Becoming a dad

Lesson 1

You matter from the start

A father isn’t a helper or a backup. The American Academy of Pediatrics links involved fathers with earlier prenatal care, fewer babies born too early, and children who do better with language, behavior and mental health, all the way into their teens.

• In pregnancy: in a study of 5,404 women, those with an involved partner were 1.5 times as likely to start prenatal care in the first trimester.
• In feeding: across 8 studies and 1,852 families, involving fathers doubled the share of babies who were exclusively breastfed at 6 months.
• Every day: in a national survey from 2006 to 2010, about 8 in 10 fathers who live with their young children play with them every day, but only about 3 in 10 read to them every day. Reading is an easy place to stand out.

Lesson 2

During the pregnancy

• Go to the visits. Meet the clinician, hear how your baby is doing, and ask your own questions.
• Learn the warning signs, so you can act if she can’t: warning signs to never ignore.
• Make home healthier. Keep smoke and vapor away from her and the baby. If you use tobacco, this is the time to quit: 1-800-QUIT-NOW.
• Own the logistics. On Orcas, getting to the hospital takes planning: the ferry, a place to stay, who to call at 2 a.m. Read Having a baby on Orcas and make it your project.
• Follow along. Pregnancy week by week shows how your baby is growing. Around the middle of pregnancy your baby may begin to hear, so talk and read out loud.
• Take a childbirth class together, and sort out your leave early.

Lesson 3

The first weeks

• Hold your baby skin-to-skin. It isn’t only for mothers. In one small study, babies held skin-to-skin by their fathers after a cesarean birth cried less and settled sooner. Stay awake while you do it: the National Institutes of Health warns that couches and armchairs are never safe places for a baby to sleep, and are extremely dangerous when an adult falls asleep holding the baby.
• Make safe sleep the house rule: on the back, on a firm, flat surface, in your room but not in your bed. See Safe sleep, every sleep.
• Back her up on feeding. Bring water and food, take the burping and the diapers, cover a night shift, and call for help early if feeding isn’t going well. See Feeding your baby.
• Have a plan for crying. Long stretches of crying are normal. If you feel your temper rising, put your baby down on their back in a safe place, walk away to calm down, and check back every 5 to 10 minutes. Never shake a baby.
• Guard her recovery. Know the warning signs after birth, and protect her sleep.
• Learn infant CPR. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that parents take a first aid and CPR class through the Red Cross or the American Heart Association.

Lesson 4

Dads get depressed too

About 1 in 10 fathers experience depression during the pregnancy or in the baby’s first year, according to a review of 43 studies in the medical journal JAMA, and it is more likely when the mother is depressed too. A father’s depression affects the whole family, and it can be treated.

In men it doesn’t always look like sadness. The National Institute of Mental Health lists signs like these:

• Anger, irritability or aggressiveness
• Misusing alcohol or drugs
• Taking risks you normally wouldn’t
• Sadness or hopelessness that doesn’t lift

Lesson 5

Making it legal

How Washington recognizes you as your child’s parent depends on whether you and the mother are married.

• Married: the law presumes you are the parent of a child born during the marriage.
• Not married: you and the mother can sign an Acknowledgment of Parentage. Most parents sign at the hospital or birth center, or with their midwife, soon after the birth, and it can also be signed before the birth. Each of you signs in front of a notary or an adult witness who isn’t a relative.
• What it does: once it’s filed, it has the force of a court ruling and gives you all the rights and duties of a parent. Without it or a court order, an unmarried father isn’t added to the birth certificate.
• What it costs: nothing if it goes back to the hospital within 5 days of the birth. After that the state Department of Health charges $18 to file it, and an updated birth certificate is $25, as of 2026.
• If you change your mind: either of you can cancel it within 60 days. After that it can be challenged only in court, within four years, for fraud, duress or a serious mistake of fact. Read it carefully before you sign.

For questions about parentage or child support, call the state Division of Child Support at 800-442-5437. If you and your child’s mother are thinking about marriage, see Preparing for marriage.

Lesson 6

Time off and help with money

• Paid leave. Washington’s Paid Family and Medical Leave gives a father up to 12 weeks to bond with a new baby, any time in the first 12 months. You qualify with 820 hours of work in Washington, and all your jobs count. It pays up to 90% of your weekly wage, to a limit of $1,647 a week in 2026 and $1,727 in 2027.
• Your job. In 2026 your job is protected during that leave if your employer has 25 or more employees and you’ve worked there at least 180 days. The size limit drops to 15 employees in 2027 and 8 in 2028.
• How to apply. Give your employer written notice 30 days ahead. The program asks you to apply within 30 days after your qualifying event, which for most parents is the birth, at paidleave.wa.gov or 833-717-2273. If you plan to take your leave later in the year, call and ask how to time it. Processing takes three to four weeks.
• Federal leave. The Family and Medical Leave Act gives up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave if you’ve worked 12 months and 1,250 hours for an employer with 50 or more employees within 75 miles.
• Food help. Dads can enroll their children in WIC. San Juan County WIC: 360-378-4474.

Lesson 7

Where dads find backup

• Conscious Fathering. A three-hour class for expectant and new dads, in person and online, from Parent Trust for Washington Children. Scholarships are available: parenttrust.org.
• fatherhood.gov. The federal National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, with a call center at 1-877-432-3411.
• DADS. Divine Alternatives for Dads Services gives no-cost help with child support and with reuniting fathers and their children: aboutdads.org.
• Parent Trust’s Family Help Line: 1-800-932-4673.
• Another dad. Ask a father you respect to be the person you call. Most will be honored.

Check yourself

Myth or fact?

Questions people ask

Asked and answered.